I've just rewatched these cracking adventures yet again! I'm posting an old, not entirely serious, Empire review from back in 2008 to highlight my love for these films
The Original
Trilogy
Raiders Of The Lost Ark (1981)
Indiana Jones & The Temple Of Doom (1984)
Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade (1989) [/b]
[b]Positives It'd be hard to praise the films without mentioning Harrison Ford. In recent years his film choices seem to have landed him in some stick, and it's sometimes easy to forget just how good an actor he is. He's never been better than he was in the Indy trilogy, perfectly capturing the roguish nature of our hero, and whether he's the action man facing impossible odds, the slightly awkward professor or the rakish ladies men, he always makes Indy believable. He's also got great comic timing, with regards to vocal delivery and mannerisms. Harrison Ford is Indy.
And with that, the character of Indiana Jones himself needs to be applauded. He arrives on the screen as an enigma, but it isn't long before we feel as if we know him, and it's damn near impossible not to buy into his enthusiasm. But perhaps more important than the character himself, is the iconicness (!) of the character. It's almost as if Lucas, Ford and Spielberg knew they were creating an icon, making him tantalising from he very beginning. And am icon is most certainly what he is. Indiana Jones has seeped through into popular culture in the way that few characters do, and he's instantly recognisable. Heck, all you need to do is see a silhouette of him and you know who he is. Pictures of a hat and whip conjure up images of Indy; even the average Joe in the street knows Indy's favourite accessories (Plus he's made whips cool, no longer the tool of lion tamers and dominatrix's alone!) He also has a handful of lines that are instantly identifiable. Everybody knows who he is and can quote him. He's right up there with Darth Vadar and Mickey Mouse in terms of instant recognisability.
Spielberg needs to get a mention. He's long been my favourite director, and the Indy trilogy plays a large part in this. Quite possibly the most entertaining films ever made (entertainment being an ideal that is all too often frowned upon) Spielberg has a great sense of how to make enticing characters; enthralling, adrenalin-pumping scenes, and knows how to pace these with slower, more emotional scenes. Throw in some great comedy, some great imagination and an undeniable degree of skill behind the camera, it's quite easy to see why Spielberg is loved so. For pure enjoyability, these films can't be topped and Spielberg rarely misses a beat throughout.
John Williams. Just because the guy's awesome.
Negatives You know what? I don't think I'm even going to bother here. Are these films perfect? Not at all. Look closely and they suffer, like all films do. Lines could be changed, scenes tweaked or removed, performances improved, but I stand by my belief that every film ever made suffers the same problems. There are more obvious gripes as well. Some of the effects look shonky (but always in an endearing way) and Temple especially has it's own unique set of problems (the darker tone is inconsistent, the slave labour storyline doesn't really work and Short Round is as annoying as hell). However, going into detail about the problems really does go against everything these films stand for. They are about entertainment, thrills and spills, action and enjoyment. Plain and simple they are about fun, more so than any other films I can think of, and to dwell on the negatives, go looking for negatives, isn't really helpful. Sure enough, if you simply don't like the films, the fun is missing, then, by all times, nitpick away. But for me, who loves every second of two of then and a good deal of the third, plus the fact that I do believe they are lovingly crafted by a master filmmaker, with oodles of technical mastery on display, the downsides of the film don't detract from them at all, so I refuse to dwell on them. (Yes, I realise this seems well at odds with my recent Kingdom review, perhaps even hypocritical, but that was initial reaction to a new film. These are old favourites for almost two decades, films that have practically seeped into my very being.)
But, now is the big question. Which of the three is the best? Well, I'm going to completely break away from tradition in this thread. I've devised a foolproof, scientifically sound series of and awards in order to answer this age-old puzzler. Each film starts out with 100 points and, based on how each film fares, points will be award or deducted. Come the end, the film with the most points is quite obviously the best. Simple.
There are plentiful
SPOILERS HERE, IN BOTH BOTH WORDS AND PICTURES! so please don't even skim the page if you haven't seen the films (and if you haven't why on Earth haven't you?)
Most varied use of vehicles in chase/action scenes Raiders – The desert chase. Horse, cars and trucks – 1 point
Temple – Another car chase, but also the most inventive use of a vehicle – the mine cart – 3
Crusade – Where to begin? A horse/car chase that becomes a foot chase on a train, a speedboat chase, a motorcycles chase, a plane chase, plane/car chase, and a horse/tank chase. Certainly the winner – 5 points
Best use of the Paramount logo dissolving into the film Raiders – The logo turns into a great big Peruvian mountain – 5 points
Temple – The logo turns into a great mountain, albeit one that appears on a gong – 2 points (1 point, and a bonus point for the gong being used in the film, whereas the other appear only as scenery)
Crusade – The logo turns into a rock formation in Forbidden Valley – 3 points
The "This is why John Williams is the film world finest composer” awards for the 15 greatest pieces of Indy film music that aren't the Raiders March 1. Belly Of The Beast (Crusade) – 15 points
2. Scherzo for Motorcycle and Orchestra (Crusade) – 14 points
3. The Desert Chase (Raiders) – 13 points
4. The Penitent Man will Pass (features the Grail music) (Crusade) – 12 points
5. The Basket Game (Raiders) – 11 points
6. The Miracle Of The Ark (Raiders) – 10 points
7. The Map Room (Raiders) – 9 points
8. No Ticket (Crusade) – 8 points
9. The Temple Of Doom (Temple) – 7 points
10. Escape From Venice (Crusade) – 6 points
11. In The Idol's Temple (Raiders) – 5 points
12. Slave Children's Crusade (Temple) – 4 points
13. Slalom On Mt Humol (Temple) – 3 points
14. Fast Streets Of Shanghai(Temple) – 2 points
15. The Warehouse (Raiders) – 1 point
Best silhouette/shadows of our hero. Temple - 5 points
Raiders – 4 points
Raiders – 3 points
Crusade – 2 points
Crusade – 1 point (not Indy, but nice to see someone else get in on the action. Nice colours too)
Bonus points for the single greatest "heroes riding off into the sunset” moment in film Crusade - Actually, considering this is such a cinematic staple, I can't recall seeing that many such moments. Nevertheless, with the Raiders march pounding away, and Indy, Henry, Sallah and Brody becoming specks in the distance, this is just brilliant – 10 points
Top 5 non-Indy characters Henry Jones – Indy dad's, as keen a historian as his son, but not so much an adventurer. Clumsy in the field at times, but his knowledge is his greatest asset. Capable of delivering a whole roster of great lines whilst maintaining his integrity (introduced in Crusade, 5 points)
Sallah – Indy's old time friend, a loyal companion, willing to risk injury and capture. Saves Indy's life on more than one occasion. Wears a fez, or a turban, hails from Egypt and has 9 children. (Raiders, Crusade – 4 points each) - 4 points
Marcus Brody – Indy's boss as university, always eager to help out his friend and finds a place for any artefacts returned. A scholar by heart, he really isn't built for Indy's daredevil exploits, but is always a welcome addition (Raiders, Crusade – 3 points each)
Elsa Schneider - The supremely sexy Nazi sympathiser, a bit of a player as well, having bedded two generations of the same family. Still, it's very hard to actually dislike this intelligent woman. She eventually regrets the choices she made, and her death is a shame (Crusade – 2 points)
Belloq - The anti-Indy. Also an archaeologist, you get the impression he isn't actually a very good one. He seems to simply follow Indy round and steal whatever he finds. However, he knows Indy very well, even to the point of calling his bluff (Raiders – 1 point)
Negative points for one of the most god-awful characters in the universe Short Round "You call him Dr Jones, Doll”. We call you annoying, oik. (Temple) – minus 5 points
Best use of an infested temple/crypt. Raiders – Snakes, and lots of 'em. Added daredevil factor due to the fact that not only does our hero dislike them, but that iconic cobra that rears its head is actually a bit dangerous – 5 points
Temple – Bugs, various and plentiful. The one with the greatest ick factor. Still, suck it up, be a man (or a woman, as the case may be) and stick your hand down that bloody hole – 1 point (plus one bonus point for Indy actually being in danger and unable to get himself out of. When that spike pushed down on his hat – nasty!)
Crusade – Rats. Lots and lot of rats. So many rats Indy even stands on one, and a great many get barbecued. Poor rats. Still, if I was trapped in oil underneath a coffin, as sure as hell wouldn't them crawling in and taking up residence In my hair – 3 points
Top 5 action scenes. The tank fight – This has always been my favourite action scene in the films. With a the rousing "Belly Of The Beast” music accompanying it, this is nigh on perfect. Some nice humour, typically boo-hiss villains, the trademark use of the whip, plus Henry and Marcus helping out, this is fantastic. (Crusade) – 5 points
The desert chase – A very, very, very close second. So close it's actually joint first. More gritty than the above, and perhaps an even better scene overall. You can feel Indy's pain when he gets shot (and later punched in the wound) and the stunt work on he underside and front of the truck needs to be seen to be believed (Raiders)– 5 points
Peruvian temple – As mentioned earlier, an instant classic, a perfect introduction to a legend (Raiders) – 4 points
Mine carts/rope bridge – The only Temple scene in the top 5 that could be considered 2 separate entries, but it's one seamless piece of action. You can tell why they made a rollercoaster out of the mine cart sequence, even watching it has that coaster feel to it, and Indy's solution to being trapped on the bridge has a whole "No, you can't be serious” quality to it (Temple) – 3 points
Motorbikes – It was tough to choose between this, the speedboats or the plane sequence, but this just wins, probably for the way in which Indy dispatches the Nazi riders with glee, only to be met with serious disapproval from his dad. Best bit is when Indy jams a flagpole into the spokes of a bike, only for the rider to be flown 20 feet into the air. Great stuff – 2 points.
Best leading lady Marion Ravenwood – As it turns out, she's the only woman for Indy; they've got together three times that we know of. She's also got a lot of spunk, able to hold her own in a fight, a match for Indy almost at times (Raiders) – 3 points
Willie Scott – The most annoying of the three, more concerned about broken nails than bullets whizzing past her head. However, despite the fact that I think she gets an unfair rep, she's bottom of the list. She has a decent set of lungs though (Temple) – 1 point.
Elsa Schneider – The one lady that seems to share Indy's passion for history and archaeology. Ok, so she sold him and his father out to the Nazi's, but having a femme fatale was a change of pace, and a very good one (Crusade) – 5 points
Sexiest leading lady. Tough one this, as Karen Allen, Kate Capshaw and Alison Doody are all very good-looking ladies. I'll go with the order of the above category, shallow as the whole thing may be. None are a patch on the latest leading lady though!
Marion (Raiders) Raiders - 3 points
Willie (Temple) – 1 point
Elsa (Crusade) – 5 points
Best closing scene Raiders - The warehouse. The ark. That bloke hiding it from the rest of the world. That music. Just grand – 5 points
Temple – Indy and Willie in an embrace, Short Arse laughs as an elephant soaks them, Indy and Willie embrace again, get surrounded by recently released former slave children. Not grand – 1/5
Crusade – As mentioned earlier, this is a superb ending. Brody failing to match his swagger as he rides off, Revelations that Indy is "named after the doooog”, the music, the sunset, Just grand. I can't pick between this and Raiders so – 5/5
Best opening sequence Raiders – Golden idols, poison arrows, giant boulders. Tarantulas, sunbeam booby traps, "You throw me the idol, I throw you the whip” (If anyone has ever played the great PC game called Outlaws, a western by LucasArts, there's a wonderful nod to this line), the introduction of a true icon. A sure-fire classic – 5 points
Temple – A nice take on a great song and I am the only who thinks
Capshaw is really sexy performing this? Maybe. I wish Spielberg would do a musical. Still last though. – 1 point
Crusade – A comical back story which provides us a glimpse Indy's childhood, and also how he came into possession of his trademark hat and whip, the origin of his chin car and his fear of snakes – 3 points
Best supernaturally enhanced death. Raiders – The triple whammy face melting of Colonel Dietrich, Belloq and Toht. Plus all the nameless minions who get lightning bolts through their chests – 5/5
Temple – That poor sacrifice victim. Not only does he survive having his heart ripped out, he's then lowered down a great pit into some hellish pool of lava. Not the nicest way to go – 1/5
Crusade – Walter Donovan. Aging countless years in mere seconds, even doing an impression of Doc Brown, before, for some reason, flying backwards into a wall. As the knight said "He chose poorly” – 3/5
Best death of a secondary villain in a non-supernaturally enhanced dispatchment method Raiders – The German mechanic, played by Pat Roach. This bald, moustached bastard gives Indy a run for his money, but his brains don't match his brawn and he's promptly minced – 5/5
Temple – Pat Roach again, this time as a Thugee warrior. Quite horribly he gets squished when his turban gets trapped under a stone crusher. Such a horrible death is this, even Indy tries to save him. Don't see that every day – 4/5 – (An honourable mention and bonus point to the sap who gets skewered by a flaming kebab!)
Crusade – Colonel Vogel's header off a cliff in the tank. The slightly naff model work is endearing here, but that isn't the reason why it's last. It's a good way to go, but not quite as nasty as the others, Plus, at this point, all we're really concerned about if what has happened to our hero! – 1 point
10 minor characters we want to know more about (although we do learn about some of them in the Young Indy Chronicles and the novels) Fedora – Easily the most interesting minor character in any of the Jones films. Just who was this guy? How many other artefacts had he found? Was he to Panama Hat what Indy was to Marcus Brody? Let's face it, the look of the iconic character we know and love would have been different indeed had Indy not encountered this bloke (Crusade) – 10 points
Captain Katanga – Able to make up lies on the spot, even risks telling porkies to the nasty Nazis. This dude is cool. So cool that even Alton Towers named an area of the theme park after him (this may not actually be true!) He needs his own spin-off (Raiders) - 9 points
Kazim – Member of The Brotherhood Of The Cruciform Sword. Tries to kill Indy, realises he shouldn't and that gets killed by Donovan and his goons. A shame, as he was a honourable guy on a honourable mission (which he performed with more flair than Silas and co) Plus, he had a cool moustache (Crusade) - 8 points
The Grail Knight – I want to this man's story on film. Admittedly, once he begins his 700 yearlong guard duty it'll get a tad boring, but up until then, I suspect he had some adventures (Crusade) - 7 points
Wu Han – A short-lived sidekick of Indy, snuffed in his prime by one of Lao Che's sons. He did indeed beat Indy into the last great adventure *sniff* (Temple) - 6 points
Sapito – We don't know that much about him to be honest. He's not chuffed about spiders, he isn't really that cautious when it comes to booby taps and he's willing to betray the people he works for. Bit of a git, really. (Raiders) – 5 points
Lao Che – Why does he do business in a club named after a Jedi knight, what became of him and his hoodlums and, more importantly, why does one of his sons look like Emperor Ming? (Temple) – 4 points
Herman Mueller – Bugle playing do-gooder who inadvertently brings more
trouble to young Indy when trying to help (Crusade) - 3 points
Panama Hat – The white suited, moustached man who wants the Cross Of Coronado. One suspects he's more of a Walter Donovan character than a Belloq, happy to have others travel the world for his own personal gain (Crusade) - 2 points
Barranca – The Peruvian guide who attempted to kill Indy, only to fall foul of the poison darts of the Hovitos (Raiders) – 1 point
Best disapproving glances. Raiders – Indy looks at Marion after being smacked by the mirror – 1 point
Temple – Indy glares at Willie after she almost allowed him to die – 5 points
Crusade – A switcheroo here, as it's Indy's dad that gives the glare (an extra point for the utter deflation we see on Indy afterwards) – 4 points
Best use of booby-trapped temple/character testing, erm, tests. Raiders – As mentioned, this opening scene is a classic. You'd think it'd be hard to beat, but beat it was – 3 points
Temple – You know you're in trouble when the ceiling starts to come down and spikes appear from above and below. You're in even more trouble when your saviour is scared of getting her hands dirty. Still, it loses points for being one single, solitary self-contained room – 1 point
Crusade – It might be considered sacrilegious by some, but the finale of Crusade trumps the opening of Raiders for me. A number of reasons for this. First, something is definitely at stake here the life of Henry Jones. Secondly, although the opening Of Raiders introduced us to an icon, by the close of Crusade we've followed this icon over 6 hours and 3 adventures, we desperately want him to succeed. Lastly, though the devices used might not be any more dangerous than those we've seen before, here they are truly testing Jones, his knowledge and his faith. This scene has more going for it than sheer excitement and an adrenalin rush – 5 points
Top 5 moments of awe and wonder. Let me explain this first. (This may be old news so some that have read other posts of mine across the boards) One thing I love about Spielberg is how he can create scenes in which we, the viewer, experience the same rush of feelings as the onscreen protagonist. Think Close Encounter when the mothership lands. Who doesn't look on in amazement, who doesn't feel the same sense of excitement as Roy Neary? The same happens in Indiana Jones in both the action sequences, and, particularly, quieter moments in which we, like Indy, feel that history is being made, something truly special is occurring, for either good or bad (such scenes felt conspicuously absent from The Crystal Skulls) Elsa sums it up best with her "giddy as a schoolboy” comments. The following are all such scenes of archaeological history making.
The Leap Of Faith – It's hard to describe how much I like this scene, and it's hard to describe why. I'm quite possibly the most non-religious person I know, but here, as Indy has to face his beliefs and take a step to what is almost certain doom, it's almost enough to make me change my position. The music ads greatly to this scene, it's one of Williams' finest pieces of work. (Crusade) – 5 points
The Map Room – This is just a brilliant scene from Spielberg, everything about it is perfect. Having acquitted the Staff of Ra, and discovered that Belloq and his men "are digging in the wrong place” Indy heads down into the map Room to find the location of The Well of Souls. As sweat drips from his brow and the beam of sunlight radiates throughout the room, it's hard not to get swept up in the moment. (Raiders) – 4 points
Discovery Of the Ark – As the ominous storm clouds roll overhead, there's a great sense of anticipation as to just what is in the Well of Souls. When the Ark it finally revealed, pure brilliant gold, you can tell Sallah and Indy are impressed, as are the audience. (Raiders) – 3 points)
Opening of the Ark – When the ark opening ceremony finally arrives, the mystical object has been so built up by this point, it's hard to know what to expect. For good or bad, we know something impressive is about to occur. When Indy tells Marion to close here eyes, we figure the latter. Brilliant. (Raiders) – 2 points
The Second Marker – Less mystical than other moment but no less compulsive, Indy is genuinely happy at this point, and this obvious sense of excitement he feels finds its way to the audience as well. (Crusade) – 1 point
Bonus points for best nod to a previous film Crusade – Under the library in Venice, the Ark appears on the wall and we hear the great Ark music - 5 points
Negative points for most gratuitous non-Indy stunt Temple - During the course of the films, many of Indy's companions get into the action, usually in some kind of fisticuff or chase scene. Still, the true daredevil heroics are usually left up to Indy alone, which is why it grates me why some else gets in on the action. Raiders and Crusade are quite free of this though. It's Temple that lets them down, with Short Round doing his bit on the ladder in the mines. Annoying git – minus 5 points.
"Hang on a minute, Indy's actually in a bit of trouble here” moments. Raiders – During the desert chase, Indy receives his most obvious and, by the looks of it, most painful injury. Shot in the arm whilst in the truck, he then gets punched in the wound. Plus the fact he's got a bunch of Nazi's to fight off, and ends up working his way under the truck, the chances of a happy outcome aren't always guaranteed – 3 points
Temple – Once Indy is fully under the influence of the black blood, beating up Short (about time) and trying to kill Willie, things sure aren't looking good. However, the worst bit is when he's writhing around in agony once he's first drunk the blood. The darkest bit in Indy, and a rare top spot for Temple – 5 point
Crusade – Although the chances of surviving a 500 foo5 cliff drop are slim, and although it certainly does look likes he's made the plunge, surely everybody knows that Indy would find some way out of this scrape. It's a great moment, but last of the three - 1 point.
Optical effect Raiders – Quite a few goodies here, mostly near the end with the Ark and the spirits. Also of note are the rolling storms clouds when the Ark is discovered – 5 points
Temple – The big 'ol lava pit is very impressive – 3 points
Crusade – None so much here and I actually think this is more of a matte painting than a proper optical effect, but the zeppelin gets a mention – 1 point
Make up effect Raiders – The fantastically grim face meltings during the finale – 5 points
Temple – Not really anything of great note, but some of the Thugees have face paint. Hardly matches the other films though – 1 point
Crusade – Walter Donovan gains years gains seconds – 3 points
Sexiest exchange Raiders - On the boat, the "Where doesn't it hurt” bit – 5 points
Temple – Outside Willie's palace bedroom, the "research” scene – 1 point
Crusade – Once the ransacked rooms have been discovered, the "arrogant men” conversation – 3 points
Best set Raiders – A few goodies here. The desert dig is quite vast, and the Well Of Souls impresses, but it's the Temple in Peru that makes the biggest impression – 5 points
Temple – Another temple here, the Sacrificial Palace, just beats out the mines - 3 points
Crusade – Not quite the same type of set here, the Berlin and the book burning has to get a mention. The large amount of extras help to make this scene – 1 point
5 Handy uses for a whip! Use it to hang a Thugee guard from a ceiling fan! (Temple) – 5 points
Lodge it into the underside of a fast moving truck as a handy means of escape! (Raiders) – 4 points
Prevent your dad from being squished by the tracks of a tank! (Crusade) - 3 points
Lasso your girl! (Temple) -2 points
Cause havoc and set fire to a Nepalese bar when you whisk away a branding iron! (Raiders) – 1 point
Bonus points for having the audacity to use the whip against Indy – Temple – 2 points
Saving/rescuing/retrieval of iconic accessory Raiders – Must get the whip! – 3 points
Temple – Must get the hat (but it's rehash of Raiders) – 1 point
Crusade – Let Mother Nature do the work for you! – 5 points
Top comic moments The burning room sequence is filled with gems. "The floor's on fire. And the chair”. "Our situation has not improved” "Dad! What? Dad! What? Dad! What?” Not high art perhaps but it always makes me laugh (Crusade) – 17 points
The most insanely over the top howl of pain in the history of cinema as Marion swings the mirror and clocks Indy on the chin (Raiders) – 16 points
"How did you know she was a Nazi?” "She talks in her sleep” Made all the more funny by the wonderful facial expression that Connery gives – (Crusade) – 15 points
The librarian and the loud "clang” as he stamps books (Crusade) – 14 points
The wonderful comic fall backwards Indy makes after being punched by the mechanic (Raiders) – 13 points
"Brody's got friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan, he speaks a dozen languages, knows every local custom, he'll blend in, disappear, you'll never see him again. With any luck, he's got the grail already” cutting straight to a marvellously inept Brody having all manner of trouble finding his way. This scene also plays into the great line later on "he got lost once in his own museum” (Crusade) – 12 points
Indy shoots the Swordsman (Raiders) – 11 points
When Henry and Indy are discovered by the Nazi's, they raise their arms in unison, and deliver the line "What book?” in harmony, which leads to the classic "I should have mailed it to the Marx Brothers”, and the scene ending with "Look what you did, I can't believe what you just did”. (Crusade) – 10 points
"No ticket” (Crusade) – 9 points
The whole "wait 5 minutes” sequence (Temple) – 8 points
This bit. Always make me chuckle (Crusade) – 7 points
Indy attempts to shoot the Thugees, in the same manner as the Raiders swordsman but discovers he has no gun. (Temple) – 6 points
Indy breaks away from kissing Elsa – "Ah Venice” (Crusade) – 5 points
Indy pretends to be a Scotsman. It's the awful accent that makes this great (Crusade) – 4 points
Indy joins Marcus, Henry and Sallah at the cliff top, unaware that they think he's dead (Crusade) - 3 points
"Asps. Very dangerous. You go first” (Raiders) – 2 points
Willie gets frightened by all manner of wildlife while Indy and Shorty are arguing over a card game (Temple) – 1 points
Luckiest/narrowest escape Raiders – Considering all he puts up with in this film, Indy was almost offed by some poison. Bad dates indeed. Good ol' Sallah! – 1 point
Temple – The escape from the plane was close, but the spike filled temple takes it spot here. Completely and utterly out of Indy's hands – 3 points
Crusade – Trapped by the strap of his bad to the gun turret of a tank. Indy's having a bad time. Scrapped against a cliff wall, with a face full of dust, Indy finds the tank rapidly speeding up towards an outcrop that'll do him in for good, Thankfully, Henry Sr sets off a gun and the ricocheting bullet happens to find the tank driver, who promptly falls over and steers the tank away. Talk about lucky! – 5 points
Daredevil Moment Raiders – Not that there was much he could do in this instance, but his trip under the truck was his most dardevilish moment in this film – 3 points
Temple – It's a tie here. Causing the bridge you're on to collapse is quite extreme, as is using your own strength to act as brakes on a runway mine cart - 3 points
Crusade – When you're about to get minced by a propeller, it's probably not the best time to have a fistfight – 3 points
Best "Oh dear god” looks Cliiiiiiiiiiiiif (Crusade) – 7 points
Gulp! (Raiders) – 6 points
The Frightened Rabbit (Crusade) – 5 points
The "Give me a break, haven't I been though enough?” look (Temple) – 4 points
"Where the hell did all these baskets come from?” (Raiders) – 3 points
Too much water! (Temple) – 2 points
The "Dear God Almighty, what the bloody hell was that” look (Crusade) – 1 point
Bonus points for a non-Indy "Dear god” look
Vogel (Crusade) – 2 points
Negative points for the most unnecessary requirement of disbelief Temple – Jumping out of the window, straight through a whole host of canopies and as luck would have it, straight into back seat of the car. Just a bit too much for me, and with none of the flair of other such extravagant moments – minus 3 points
Best snake moment Raiders - The face-off between Indy and the Cobra – 5 points
Temple – When Willie thinks the snake is the trunk of the elephant and Indy gets scared, it's good for comic value, but the best bit comes later when Indy is in the Temple and tips his hat towards a snake statue – 3 points
Crusade – The opening flashback when we see how Indy acquired a snake phobia. Loses marks for the naff way in which a piddly little snake allows Indy to escape just seconds later. – 1 point
Negative points for having dodgy effects Temple – The awful cliff face escape and the mine cart that doesn't seem to want to travel on the tracks - minus 5 points
Baddest act of bad guy-ness from the bad guys Belloq – Eats a fly! – (Raiders) - 1 point
Mola – Throws own men to the crocs! (Temple) – 3 points
Walter – Shoots Indy's dad! (Crusade) – 5 points
Bonus points for single best line "It seems to me that goose stepping morons liker yourself should try reading books instead of burning them” (Crusade) – 5 points
And after all that, the scores!
Raiders – 230
Temple – 90
Crusade – 317
Proving, conclusively and beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is the best Indy film. I've actually thought that for years anyway, so had I just gone with my gut I could have saved myself a lot of time and energy, but still!
