What I've Just Watched: Part 2

Passport to Pimlico (1949), from Ealing Studios, with a high concept script by T.E.B. Clarke and directed by Henry Cornelius (who later directed Genevieve (1953)), this is a very good comedy with a good central idea that could happen anywhere in the world, luckily, Ealing kept it close to home and kept it very English. In Pimlico, a district of London, some kids playing with a large tyre cause it to roll down a hole, which sets off an unexploded bomb from World War 2. In the hole is access to a buried cellar which contains gold, jewelry and an old ancient royal parchment. The parchment is studied by Professor Hatton-Jones (Margaret Rutherford), who discovers it to be a royal charter going back to the time of Edward IV, which decrees that Pimlico is legally part of Burgundy in France. The residents of Pimlico, including shopkeeper Arthur Pemberton (Stanley Holloway) and his wife Connie (Betty Warren) and policeman P.C. Spiller (Philip Stainton) use this to their advantage, as the British government have no legal powers in Pimlico. So they drink after hours and tear up their ration books. Now the government have to find a solution to the Pimlico problem. It's a very funny idea, and it works well on screen with a good little ensemble, (look out for a young Charles Hawtrey as well), but this is what you'd expect from Ealing at that time, a group of people in an unusual situation, and using it to their advantage. 4/5



The Lavender Hill Mob (1951), written by T.E.B. Clarke and directed by Charles Crichton, (The Titfield Thunderbolt (1953), The Battle of the Sexes (1959) and A Fish Called Wanda (1988)), this is a hilarious crime comedy with a good double act at heart, with some brilliant set pieces and a good plot. Henry Holland (Alec Guinness) is a bank clerk who has been in charge of the deliveries of gold bullion, and he always panics when it looks like someone is following the van that the gold bullion travels in. Bored in his job, he wishes to retire, and it's when he meets fellow lodger Alfred Pendlebury (Stanley Holloway), who runs a foundry that makes novelty souvenirs, such as models of the Eiffel Tower. Holland comes up with a plan to stage a robbery, melt the gold bullion down and make them into models of the Eiffel Tower, and ship them to Paris where they'll sell them on the black market. They recruit two crooks, Lackery Wood (Sid James) and Shorty Fisher (Alfie Bass) to help them with the robbery, which goes well at first, but as soon as it ends up in Paris, their best laid plans seem to go awry, especially when the model towers are accidentally sold to schoolgirls from England. It's a great idea for a film, with a seemingly perfect crime, Guinness and Holloway make a good pairing as the banker and foundry forger who see the plan through, there's some good moments in this, from the chase down the stairs of the Eiffel Tower to the final chase. They certainly don't make them like they used to. 5/5

The Librarian: Quest For The Spear (1st view) - Noah Wyle stars in this Tv movie as a mild-mannered student who takes on the job which involves looking after many mythical and fantastical items from history. When the Spear Of Destiny is Stolen, it's up to him to get it back. It's pure hokum, badly written and poorly edited. It wants to be Indiana Jones but comes no way near to being a tenth as good. but it's stupidly enjoyable. Looking forward to seeing the sequels - 3/5*





Threads (2nd view) - Not seen this in about 18 years, when I watched it during an RE class. I reminded very few of the details (save for one birthing scene) but this is a great portrayal of the effect of nuclear war. Not as good as When The Wind Blows though - 4/5

The Man In The White Suit (1951), no sooner than Ealing Studios had finished production on this charming, satirical production. Directed by Alexander Mackendrick and based upon a play by playwright Roger MacDougall, who wrote the screenplay with Mackendrick and John Dighton, it's a well made comedy with the usual flourishes of Ealing about it. Set in the north of England, Sidney Stratton (Alec Guinness) is a brilliant young chemist who is working on an artificial fabric, but he's sacked from one factory for using factory funds to develop this fabric. But he gets a job at a factory ran by Alan Birnley (Cecil Parker), and Stratton is able to get in on the ground level as a hauler and then an unpaid scientific researcher, he gets in thanks to Birnley's daughter Daphne (Joan Greenwood). Using radioactive elements, and a lot of destructive trial and error, Stratton is able to finally perfect a fibre which repels dirt and never wears out. Stratton makes a brilliant white suit from the fibre, but it's not long before Birnley and his cronies want a piece of Stratton's invention, but it's all too much for Stratton, who ends up on the run. It's a good comedy with Guinness giving it his all as the meek but determined Stratton, and it's a good social comment on people's greed as well for something that could put other people out of business. Oh, and the sounds that the laboratory apparatus is unforgetable. 4/5



The Ladykillers (1955), from Ealing Studios, from a screenplay by William Rose (It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963), Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (1967)), and directed by Alexander Mackendrick, this is probabily Ealing's most famous comedy, a breathtakingly black comedy with a brilliant ensemble at it's centre with a brilliant crime plot all come undone by a little old lady. Mrs. Louisa Wilberforce (Katie Johnson) is a dotty old widow who lives in a lopsided old house at the end of a cul-de-sac over a railway bridge. She has a room to let, and she gets a call from Professor Marcus (Alec Guinness), who wishes to rent out the two rooms upstairs for rehearsals for his amateur string quintet, which consist of gangster Mr. Harvey (Herbert Lom), spiv Harry Robinson (Peter Sellers), con-man Major Courtney (Cecil Parker) and ex-boxer 'One-Round' Lawson (Danny Green). Turns out the quintet are really a gang of thieves who plan to steal money from a security van at the nearby railway station, and they plan to use Mr. Wilberforce to collect the case from the station which contains the money, although successful at first, it goes all wrong and the gang have to take drastic measures. It's a hilarious film with Guinness stealing the entire film with his spirited and creepily hilarious performance, with Katie Johnson also holding her own against the likes of Guinness and Sellers. The film is complimented by appearances from Jack Warner, Kenneth Connor and Frankie Howerd. 5/5

The Butcher Boy (1st view) - I usually like neil Jordan films but I just wanted this to hurry up and finish - 2/5*

Step Up (1st view) - Crap - 2/5*




44 Inch Chest (1st view) - After discovering his wife had an affair, Ray Winstone's friends encourage him to kidnap and kill the man she cheated on him with. Almost all of the film takes place in one house as the gang discuss what should happen. The constant swearing gets tiresome eventually and it feels very stagey, but the cast are uniformly brilliant. I'm not a huge fan of Winstone but he's great here, as are Stephen Dillane and Tom Wilkinson, but it's Ian McShane and John Hurt who steal the acting honours - 4/5*

Carry On Screaming! (1966), the 12th Carry On films, and with Hammer Horrors doing well at the worldwide box-office, producer Peter Rogers, director Gerald Thomas and writer Talbot Rothwell decided to spoof Hammer's films with this hilarious film, that also manages to cram in some genuine scares into the proceedings. But it's affectionate and clever in spoofing the horror genre. It begins when Doris Mann (Angela Douglas) is abducted in Hocombe Woods while courting her boyfriend Albert Potter (Jim Dale), Potter goes to the police, and Sergeant Sidney Bung (Harry H. Corbett) and the bumbling Constable Slobotham (Peter Butterworth) take charge of the case. It leads them to Bide-A-Wee Rest Home in the middle of Hocombe Woods, they go inside where they meet butler Sockett (Bernard Bresslaw), the lady of the manor Valeria (Fenella Fielding) and her zombie brother Dr. Orlando Watt (Kenneth Williams), the house is haunted, and a hairy finger was found by where Doris went missing. Meanwhile, Bung continues investigating, while being nagged at by wife Emily (Joan Sims), and a shop mannequin that looks like Doris turns up... It's a hilarious film with some brilliant wordplay, double entendres and performances. It manages to be a lot better than most of the horror films being made at that time. It's a pity Corbett didn't do any more Carry On films, as he was perfect for films like that. 5/5



The House That Dripped Blood (1971), from Amicus Productions, who made horror films such as I, Monster (1971) and The Beast Must Die (1974), this is an anthology horror that was written by Psycho author Robert Bloch, it's very effective and it ranges from very creepy to rather cruel to unintentionally hilarious, all set around one setting. Inspector Holloway (John Bennett) from Scotland Yard has been sent to a country house to investigate the disappearance of film star Paul Henderson (Jon Pertwee). Holloway hears 4 stories from local Police Sergeant Martin (John Malcolm) and estate agent A.J. Stoker (John Bryans). He hears about how horror writer Charles Hillyer (Denholm Elliot) whose creation seems to have come to life and is plaguing him, then there's friends Philip Grayson (Peter Cushing) and Neville Rogers (Joss Ackland) who become obsessed with a waxwork. There's the story of strict father John Reid (Christopher Lee) who gets more than he bargained for from his neglected, unhappy daughter Jane (Chloe Franks), and then the tale of when Paul Henderson bought a vampire's cloak from Theo von Hartmann (Geoffrey Bayldon). It's actually a good horror film that goes from psychological to physical horror from story to story. It has a good ensemble at it's centre, and it's great fun. Jon Pertwee manages to steal the film from everyone else, God knows how, but it's a horror film that manages to hold your attention and all the stories and it's wraparound manage to work as well. 4/5

The Muppets (2011), Jim Henson's magnificent creations get a reboot after a decade of near-oblivion and half-hearted TV Specials, courtesy of star/writer Jason Segal, writer Nicholas Stoller and director James Bobin. It's a nostalgic, reflective and down to earth family film that Henson himself might have been proud of, and it's a welcome return for Kermit and the gang. Walter (Peter Linz) is the world's biggest Muppet fan, and his human brother Gary (Segal) and his girlfriend Mary (Amy Adams) go to Los Angeles on a holiday. Gary and Mary are going to celebrate 10 years of being together, Walter wants to go to see The Muppet Studio, which has fallen into disrepair and it's due to be sold off to oil baron Tex Richman (Chris Cooper), unless $10 million can be raised to save the studio. So Walter, Gary and Mary go to Kermit the Frog and convince him to get the Muppets back together to save the studio, but that's difficult as Miss Piggy is editor of Vogue in Paris, Fozzie Bear is part of Muppet tribute act The Moopets, Gonzo runs his own successful plumbing company and Animal is in an anger management clinic with Jack Black, and no-one is willing to take on the special, and Richman wants to stop it. It manages to be moving and hilarious all at the same time. You look at the Muppets as if they're real and you can feel their emotions as well. It has great new songs by Bret McKenzie as well, and it's great to have them back as well, and let's hope they stay back as well, another film or TV series perhaps?? 5/5



The Illusionist (2010), from Sylvain Chomet, this is his long-awaited follow-up to Belleville Rendez-vous (2003), (Chomet was sacked by Universal from making The Tale of Despereaux (2008)), this is based on an unproduced 1956 screenplay by Jacques Tati. This is a gentle, touching and beautifully nostalgic animated comedy-drama, which shows a simpler time of entertainment with more innocent entertainment. It begins in 1959, where aging French magician Tatischeff (Jean-Claude Donda) who is a struggling illusionist who is now unable to find any concerts in Paris, so he moves across the English Channel to the UK, he has little luck in London where he's on the bill with rock bands, whose audiences disappear when Tatischeff comes on stage. Soon, Tatischeff finds himself in the Highlands of Scotland, where he gets a spot in a pub on a remote Scottish Island. It's here where he finds solace and a friendship in young Alice (Eilidh Rankin), a young girl who is moved by Tatischeff's acts of kindness. She follows Tatischeff to Edinburgh, where they live together in a guest house, while Tatischeff performs in a rundown theatre, plus he gets a job or two to get by. Tati would have liked this, as it has his touches of humour and pathos about it, (like Chaplin really), and it's heartbreaking with moments of gentle slapstick and brilliant animation. Chomet should be making more films, as he's got a good visual eye on the world, and it's done properly as well. 4/5

Everyone seems to love The Muppets but I still think I won't like it.

Go and see it Gimli, I promise you it's well worth it. You have my absolute word.

Ok, I believe you, I'll go!! Not today though! Off to see The Artist before it disappears!

Yeah, that's good as well.

Take The Money And Run (1969), Woody Allen's first proper film as actor, writer and director. He was lucky to have been offered the chance to do so, and he was rightfully wary, as he'd seen how Hollywood worked. Since this film, he had absolute creative control over all his films, and it started his period of 'early, funny films'. A pseudo-documentary, it tells the story of Virgil Starkwell (Woody), born into a poor family, he tries playing the cello in a marching band, when that doesn't work out, he turns to a life of crime, which would have gone well if he wasn't a bumbling idiot. He steals money from a security van, but the gun he has is a lighter, so he goes to jail, and his attempts to escape all go wrong when the gun he made from a bar of soap and shoe polish dissolve into bubbles during a rain storm. But, when he's released, Virgil meets Louise (Janet Margolin) who he falls for and tries to keep his criminal life a secret from her, but even that doesn't last when he's thrown into jail for armed robbery, only for him to escape, so he and Louise go on the run from state to state, but Virgil can't hold down a job due to him trying to rob banks and shops. This is a hilarious film, with some very funny moments in it. It shows what a natural comedian Woody was, both good with verbal comedy and physical comedy as well, it's just a shame he grew up after Annie Hall (1977), as he was at his best with comedy like this, which is absurb, clever and hilarious. 5/5



Deconstructing Harry (1997), Woody Allen's nastiest, angriest, most spiteful and savage comedy to date. But it's also one of his best and funniest films of the 1990's. It sums up the struggles and pressures of being a writer and that they can succumb to a creative and personal meltdown, plus you get the sense Woody is having a go at Mia Farrow in this. Harry Block (Woody) is a best-selling author whose latest book reveals a lot of his personal life and sex relations, Harry is confronted by Lucy (Judy Davis), who he had an affair with, who tries to kill him. But, Harry gets out of it, and he's being honoured by his old university, who kicked him out for giving the dean's wife an enema. He ends up going with ill friend Richard (Bob Balaban), prostitute Cookie (Hazelle Goodman) and his son Hilliard (Eric Lloyd), even though Harry's ex-wife Joan (Kirstie Alley) has said no. So, Harry kidnaps Hilliard, and they drive off up state to the university. On the way, Harry is revisited by characters from his novels, including Ken (Richard Benjamin) and Helen (Demi Moore), who remind him of some of the nastier truths of his life. It's so personal and honest, it's a wonder you can find any comedy in this to laugh at. But, it shows a nasty, boorish side to Woody you never thought he had, including calling Davis and Mariel Hemingway the c-word. But, it has amusing, memorable cameos from Billy Crystal, Elisabeth Shue, Tobey Maguire, Stanley Tucci and Robin Williams. 4.5/5

The Woman in Black (2012), based upon Susan Hill's 1983 short story of the same name, adapted for film by Jane Goldman and produced by Hammer, this is a very creepy and eerie ghost story done on quiet a low budget, but it manages to be very effective and it goes for small shocks and a moody atmosphere than blood and gore. Young solicitor Arthur Kipps (Daniel Radcliffe) is assigned by his boss Mr. Bentley (Roger Allam) to oversee the deeds and estate of the late Alice Drablow who owned Eel Marsh House in the North East of England. The locals are less than friendly to Kipps, and treat him with quite a cold manner, even local lawyer Mr. Jerome (Tim McMullan) is less than helpful. But Kipps finds a friend in local landowner Sam Daily (Ciarán Hinds). Eel Marsh house is on an island connected by a causeway which is flooded at high tide. Kipps discovers strange noises in the house, with ghostly figures appearing, and objects going bump in the night. When several of the children in the nearby village die, Kipps is blamed for it, but Daily is scornful of their attitude to Kipps, even if Daily's disturbed wife Elizabeth (Janet McTeer) can communicate with the dead. It's a very creepy horror-thriller, set in Edwardian times for a gothic atmosphere. But, it shows a maturing of Radcliffe as an actor, it's well made and effective, and it's one which might be worthy enough to join the ranks of the classic Hammer Horrors in years to come. 4/5



Heavy Metal (1981), based on the extremely popular comic book series, producer Ivan Reitman brought some of the stories to the big screen, it's an anthology of stories, revolving around a mysterious glowing orb known as Loc-Nar, which brings evil to those who come into contact with it. The stories include Harry Canyon, a noirish tale of a taxi driver who encounters the orb, as does a nerdy teenager in Den, Captain Sternn has the Orb coming into the hands of a witness in a trial, B-17 has the orb encountering a plane on a bomb-run, So Beautiful, So Dangerous, has two Pentagon consultants being abducted, and the tale of Taarna has a beautiful warrior maiden fighting mutated barbarians. Although the animation does look a tad ropey in places, (where's Ralph Bakshi when you need him??) In the long term, it makes for visually entertaining viewing, it features the voices of Reitman's friends John Candy, Harold Ramis and Eugene Levy. It's a dark film, with stunning imagery and a biting black satire. As well as an epic eerie, haunting score by Elmer Bernstein, it also features a rock soundtrack with songs by Black Sabbath, Grand Funk Railroad, Devo, Journey, Sammy Hagar, Nazareth, Cheap Trick and Stevie Nicks. Definitely a product of the 1980's then. 4/5

The Artist (1st view) - SPOILERS - As someone who has a love-hate relationship with silent cinema (the comedies are generally fantastic, the drama are usually melodramatic dreariness filled with overacted, histrionic mugging and contemptible music) I didn't really know whether I'd like this or not. But like it I did. A lot. It's certainly better than almost all silent film I've seen that don't star moustached or pork pie-hatted comedians. Hugo might have been a better love letter to early cinema, and Singin' in The Rain dealt with the same transitional period to a degree of wonderfulness that this just can't match, but it;'s still a sublimely entertaining treat. (It was actually the dog that tipped it from 4 stars to 5, especially when he tries to stop George from killing himself. I cried). It was also especially nice to see Farmer Hoggett, who gave one of the all-time great not-quite-silent-but-near-enough performances in an actual silent role. And for the first time since ROTK, I now care about an Oscar category outside of Animated Feature and that is Best Original Score. All five are superb. I reckon this will take it, but I'd equally love to see Shore or Williams take it - 5/5*

Tucker And Dale vs Evil (1st view) - Very funny comedy about two well-meaning friends who are mistaken for murderous hillbillies by a group of college students - 4/5*

Staying Alive (1983), the sequel to Saturday Night Fever (1977), and producer Robert Stigwood, decided to get Sylvester Stallone, (then hot off First Blood and Rocky III) to writer, co-produce and direct it. It's that fact that stays in your mind throughout the film, and it makes for an odd combination, and it hangs over the film like a big, pink, glittery cloud. There's nothing in this film you can take seriously. Former disco king Tony Manero (John Travolta) is now living in Manhattan, living a clean life and trying to make it big on Broadway as a dancer, but he finds it hard to get past the audition stages. To make ends meet he works as a dance teacher and a waiter at a dance club, but things change when he meets English dancer Laura (Finola Hughes), who he spends the night with, even though Tony has an on-off relationship with Jackie (Cynthia Rhodes), the singer in a local band. Tony, along with Laura and Jackie, audition for a new Broadway production called 'Satan's Alley', directed by Jesse (Steve Inwood), it's a performance that pushes Tony to the limit, but he has to choose between Laura and Jackie ultimately. This has all the makings of a guilty pleasure, but there are parts of it which drag. It comes across as a non-pornographic version of Showgirls, and Travolta dances, prances and mugs as much as Nomi Malone did in that. It's a daring film for Sly, but it's a bit off-kilter, plus it ends on a shot of Travolta's bum, what does that tell you?? 2/5



The Reptile (1966), from Hammer Films, written by Hammer veteran Anthony Hinds (writing under the alias of John Elder), and directed by John Gilling (The Plague of the Zombies (1966) and The Mummy's Shroud (1967)), this is a creepy gothic horror which is effective with some dated effects, but it'll do for an hour and a half. Set around the turn of the century, it begins when Charles Edward Spalding (David Baron) is murdered by an unseen creature that infects his skin, something which the locals the 'Black Death'. Charles' brother Harry Spalding (Ray Barrett) inherits his late brother's cottage, which he decides to move into with his new bride Valerie (Jennifer Daniel). The local villagers stay away from Harry and Valerie, but the local innkeeper Tom Bailey (Michael Ripper) is the only one willing to help them. Harry and Valerie find their cottage trashed and their neighbour Dr. Franklyn (Noel Willman), is cold and cruel, and he treats his daughter Anna (Jacqueline Pearce) badly as well, and he has a sinister manservant called Malay (Marne Maitland). But, the deaths start all over again, beginning with drunk Mad Peter (John Laurie). It's a dark horror film, (it shares the same sets as The Plague of the Zombies, as well as much of the same crew.) Even if the make-up, when it comes eventually, looks a bit corny and laughable, it manages to stay interesting for it's duration. Just what you'd expect from Hammer then. 4/5

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (1st view) - I didn't understand half of what was going on! - 3/5*

Whatever Works (2009), Woody Allen returns to New York after his trips to London and Spain. He'd wrote this back in the mid-1970's for Zero Mostel, but shelved it when Mostel died. When the Screen Actors Guild threatened to go on strike in 2008, and faced with having to make a film earlier than planned, Woody revived this project, updated it and got Larry David in for Mostel's part. It makes for a winning combination and a very good film. It has embittered curmudgeon Boris Yelnikoff (Larry David), a Physics graduate and chess teacher, who rants about the state of the world with his friends Joe (Michael McKean) and Leo Brockman (Conleth Hill). He'd divorced his wife, and now lives in a run down appartment, he meets runaway Melodie (Evan Rachel Wood), from the deep south. Boris reluctantly lets her stay, and Melodie develops a crush on Boris, and they end up getting married. A year later, Melodie's mother Marietta (Patricia Clarkson) and estranged father John (Ed Begley Jr.) turn up, and they go off on relationships of their own, Marietta goes into a ménage à trois, while John becomes gay!! But as Boris says, "you have to find all the enjoyment that you can. Whatever Works." This is a very funny film, with some of the best comedy Woody has done in ages. Larry David, best known for Curb Your Enthusiasm, is a natural to do stuff like this, and the rest of the cast, Wood, Clarkson and Begley Jr. are all amusing. Catch this one, it's alot funnier than what the critics make out!! 4/5



The Flesh and Blood Show (1972), from producer and director Pete Walker, (The Big Switch (1969), Die Screaming, Marianne (1971) and Cool It Carol! (1972)), this is a dark horror film that descends into moments of soft-core porn, which seemed to get the punters into cinemas at the time. It takes it's sweet time in getting going, but it does pay off at the end. Young actresses Carol Edwards (Luan Peters) and Julia Dawson (Jenny Hanley off Magpie) join a theatre group on the end of a pier, under the direction of Mike Archer (Ray Brooks), they're set to a show with fellow performers Simon (Robin Askwith), Sarah (Candace Glendenning), John (David Howey) and Australian actor Tony Weller (Tristan Rogers) in a production called The Flesh and Blood Show, a sort of British "Grand Guignol" show. But, it's not long before people start going missing in the night, and the cast and it's director learn the history of the theatre from locals Mrs. Saunders (Elizabeth Bradley) and Major Bell (Patrick Barr). Mike tries to convince local Inspector Walsh (Raymond Young), but to no avail, so they carry on with rehearsals, and the murders start again. It has it's moments, but there's alot of flesh and not alot of blood. It was a time when tits and bums could get people to the cinema. It has a good ensemble, but it builds up so much potential but you come away feeling very short changed indeed. 2.5/5

Burke and Hare (2nd view) - 4/5

Tropic Thunder (2nd view) - Frat pack comedies aren’t really my cup of tea and this stars two of said pack, Ben Stiller and Jack Black, and they're both forgettable. Downey Jr. is good fun though, as is Nolte. Cruise is embarrassing. Oh and the more I see of Danny McBride the closer he comes to replacing Will Ferrell as my least favourite actor. I think he's took that spot actually - 3/5

Eureka (1st view) - Drama that follows the lives of the three survivors of a bus hijacking. At almost 4 hours long, it certainly takes its time in telling the story but it's an engrossing film - 4/5*

Hands of the Ripper (1971), from Hammer, directed by Peter Sadsy, (Taste the Blood of Dracula (1970) and Countess Dracula (1971)), this is a refreshingly dark and beautifully lavish change to the usual kinds of horror films Hammer made at that time. It showed a more psychological side, but with room for bloody violence, but it's maybe Hammer's best looking film. It begins at the house of a bogus seance, held by Mrs. Golding (Dora Bryan), one of the participants Dr. John Pritchard (Eric Porter) discovers Mrs. Golding's guardian Anna (Angharad Rees) has been the voices behind the seances. But, when Mrs. Golding turns up dead, Dr. Pritchard takes her in, unhappy at seeing her share a prison cell with prostitutes. Dr. Pritchard wants Anna to live with him, his son Michael (Keith Bell) and his blind fiance Laura (Jane Merrow). But, when Anna psychologically kills the maid Dolly (Marjie Lawrence), Dr. Pritchard believes something psychological is causing this to happen, and uses Freudian experiments to get to the cause of it, but Anna ends up leaving the house, and going on a rampage. It's much more cerebral than other Hammer Horrors, but it's got a very good cast and beautiful sets and lavish cinematography. This is the sort of direction Hammer should have gone in, but they were well into their downfall by then. Pity really. 4/5



The Blood Beast Terror (1968), from Tigon British Film Productions, (Witchfinder General (1968) and Blood on Satan's Claw (1971)), this is a very low budget horror film directed by Vernon Sewell, who did other B-Movies like Some May Live (1967) and Curse of the Crimson Altar (1968), this is a very silly horror film but it doesn't outstay it's welcome. There's been a series of murders in a small community just outside London, coachman Joe Trigger (Leslie Anderson) has been driven to insanity by claiming he saw a creature kill one victim. So, Scotland Yard send Detective Inspector Quennell (Peter Cushing) and his assistant, Sergeant Allan (Glynn Edwards) to investigate. Their first port of call is the house of entomology professor Dr. Carl Mallinger (Robert Flemyng) as two of his students were tragic victims, but he denies knowing of any such involvement. Meanwhile, naturalist Frederick Britewell (William Wilde) has just returned from Africa with some specimens for Dr. Mallinger. Britewell falls for Mallinger's daughter Clare (Wanda Ventham), but there's something about Clare that just doesn't seem right at all. It's a quite cheap and cheesy horror film, done on a pittance and it shows, it does have it's moments, including Roy Hudd stealing the film as a morgue assistant who's always eating. It manages to be a worthwhile timepiece from when horror films weren't nasty and brutal. 3/5

Blind Beast (1st view) - A blind artist and his mother kidnap a female model so that he can sculpt a perfect work of art based on her. Sex, rape, sadomasochism and murder follow. Not a film for everyone but very good - 4/5*

Jackboots On Whitehall (1st view) - SPOILERS - An alternate history of World War II in which the troop removal from Dunkirk never happens, the Battle Of Britain goes in favour of Germany and the Nazis invade by tunnelling up into Trafalgar Square. Churchill and a motley crew of soldiers decide to barricade themselves behind Hadrian's Wall and prepare for battle. And it's full of animatronic puppets!

There's a great voice cast (Tom Wilkinson, Richard E. Grant, Alan Cumming, Timothy Spall, Dominic West) but only a few really let loose, Spall being the most memorable as Churchill. It's also amazing unfunny. A lot of the gags involve Hitler cross-dressing, a vicars who swear or they play on national stereotypes. And once the action stars to parody a a much-loved 90s epic, any endearing silliness the setup so far has provided gets lost. But it's still oddly charming, playing on wartime cliches with the right amount of wit. And there's plenty of moments that seem to come straight from LOTR, never a bad thing. I would love to see a proper, serious drama rhough about the invasion of Britain during the war. It's an idea with great potential - 3/5*

G-Force (1st view) - Saved by Nicolas Cage as a megalomaniac mole and Steve Buscemi's irritable hamster - 3/5*





Man On A Ledge (1st view) - SPOILERS - One of these days I'd love to see a film that starts after the innocent man has proved his innocence and broken 18 laws in the process. And even for a genre that regularly ignores the effects of such, the ending of this was laughably bad, and the whole thing was just silly. But that still didn't stop me from loving it! - 4/5*

Black Mama, White Mama (1973), from Filipino director Eddie Romero, who moved to America with Beast of the Yellow Night (1971) and Beast of Blood (1971), he took on this crime thriller, co-written by Jonathan Demme, (before he became famous), which was shot in the Philippines. It's a good film as well, lurid and bloody, but exactly what you'd expect from this kind of film. Set somewhere on an island in the South Seas, where there's a woman's prison which is ran by Matron Densmore (Lynn Borden), One of the prisoners Lee Daniels (Pam Grier) who is also the girlfriend of the island's biggest pimp and drug dealer Ernesto (Zaldy Zschornack), runs away while being moved to another facility are a group of revolutionary rebels, unfortunately Lee Daniels is chained to Karen Brent (Margaret Markov), whom Lee got into a fight with. Karen is one of the leads of the rebels, and they end up on the run, and Lee has made off with $40,000 of Ernesto's money. Even though they're in chains, Karen wants to go and fight the rebels while Lee wants to run off with the money, but it's not long before Ernesto is looking for them. It's quite suspenseful but fun and seedy as well, kinda like an exploitation version of The Defiant Ones (1958), but Grier and Markov play off each other well getting into unbelievable situations throughout the film. You won't get a film like this again. 4/5



Friday Foster (1975), written and directed by TV producer Arthur Marks, (who produced a 101 episodes of Perry Mason), this is based on a syndicated comic strip that was in national newspapers across America created by Jim Lawrence. This is a blaxploitation film which has alot of famous black actors and actresses in it, and even though it has everything in the pot, it manages to work. Friday Foster (Pam Grier) is an investigative photographer who works for a magazine ran by Monk Riley (Julius Harris). On one assignment, she goes to Los Angeles airport to photograph the arrival of Blake Tarr (Thalmus Rasulala), the richest black man in America. But, she witnesses 3 men try to assassinate Tarr, and she manages to get away, but only just. But, it's not long before her life is in danger and she ends up on the run, she is targeted by professional assassin Yarbro (Carl Weathers), so Friday turns to her friend, Private Investigator Colt Hawkins (Yaphet Kotto), and the search takes them to gay criminal Ford Malotte (Godfrey Cambridge), costume designer Madame Rena (Eartha Kitt) and preacher Nobel Franklin (Scatman Crothers). It's a good action film with some good sequences, but it's all over the place, and towards the end it can get a little confusing over who is chasing who, but Grier manages to hold her own against the all star cast. 3.5/5



Single White Female (1992), directed by Barbet Schroeder (Maîtresse (1976), Barfly (1987) and Reversal of Fortune (1990)), this is based on John Lutz's 1990 novel SWF Seeks Same, adapted here by Don Roos (The Opposite of Sex (1998)), this is a dark psychological thriller which has touches of Hitchcock all over it, it has two good female leads as well. Allie Jones (Bridget Fonda) has just split up with her boyfriend Sam Rawson (Steven Weber), after Allie learns Sam is still seeing his ex-wife. So, he moves out, but advertises for a flatmate, and finds one in Hedra Carlson (Jennifer Jason Leigh), who Allie nicknames Hedy, she is quiet and friendly, but she also has a feeling of sadness and loneliness about her, but Allie and Hedy begin a good rapport. But, when Sam starts leaving phone messages wanting Allie back, Hedy erases them, and even hides letters Sam sends to Allie. But, when it looks like Sam and Allie will get back together, Hedy goes about trying to sabotage their relationship, and Hedy even goes about copying Allie's appearance, right down to the hairdo, and Hedy's not finished there either... It's a very taut, uncomfortable erotic thriller (you don't get many of them these days), but Fonda and Leigh play well of each other and they even get to kick some ass as well. Schroeder is a very good director, and he should be making more films. 4/5



Southern Comfort (1981), from director Walter Hill, who was reaping in the profits from producting Alien at the time. Fox signed Hill up to do this gripping and atmospheric thriller which shows a side of the world which not a lot of people see, but it has a good ensemble at it's core and it makes a good story of survival. Louisiana in 1973, and the Louisiana Army National Guard send 9 troops out over one weekend on a routine training exercise. The men are Private Spencer (Keith Carradine), Corporal Hardin (Powers Boothe), Corporal Reece (Fred Ward), Private Simms (Franklyn Seales), Private Cribbs (T. K. Carter), Private Stuckey (Lewis Smith), Sgt. Casper (Les Lannom) and Sgt. Poole (Peter Coyote). It's something the National Guard have done many times, so the men think it should be a walk in the park, and no harm can done as they only have blanks. However, they end up getting lost in the swamps and bayous, so they borrow some cajun canoes to navigate the swamps easier, but after Stuckey fires blanks at some of the Cajun's as a prank, they fire back with real ammo, leaving the men on the run to survive in this harsh terrain. It's very suspenseful, but it benefits from a good ensemble, a brilliant, eerie guitar score by the great Ry Cooder and dark, sparse cinematography by Andrew Laszlo which adds to the dark mood, but you can see parallels between the action in this and Vietnam, proving one's own homeland can be just as dangerous as a warzone. 4.5/5



Mighty Aphrodite (1995), Woody Allen had not long got through a rather nasty and messy legal suit, but despite that, he was still able to make films. He had a deal with Miramax at the time, and this was one a few he made for them, a Greek themed story which is romantic, funny and original. Sports writer Lenny Weinrib (Woody Allen) is married to workaholic Amanda (Helena Bonham Carter), who wants a child, but Lenny is in no rush, but Amanda eventually talks Lenny into adopting, and they get a baby whom they name Max, who turns out to be very intelligent for a young boy. Lenny becomes obsessed with learning who Max's real mother is, and finds the biological mother in Linda Ash (Mira Sorvino), a prostitute and porn star. This horrifies Lenny, but he doesn't tell Linda that he's the adoptive father of Max. He wants a better life for Linda, and tries to match her up with boxer Kevin (Michael Rappaport), but Amanda ends up seeing her colleague Jerry (Peter Weller). This whole tale is narrated by a Greek Chorus in an amphitheater, with narration by their leader (F. Murray Abraham), who helps Lenny out. It's a good film with Woody at his best with direction and dialogue, even putting in a funny performance himself, but Sorvino steals the film (she won an Oscar for the film), but it's a very pleasurable film, and it's a film with a heart of gold as well, uplifting and witty. 4.5/5



Everyone Says I Love You (1996), before Moulin Rouge (2001) would reignite the stale old Hollywood musical, Woody Allen had a go at it, buzzing with music since using a Greek Chorus in Mighty Aphrodite (1995). He succeeded with this one, which has an all star cast, and it's a much more affectionate and magical film than Baz Luhrmann's musical would be. The plot is basic, but it's fun nontheless using songs to carry the story along, it follows a family of liberals from the upper East Side of Manhattan, the Dandridges, father Bob (Alan Alda), wife Steffi (Goldie Hawn), their daughters DJ (Natasha Lyonne), Laura (Natalie Portman), Lane (Gaby Hoffmann), their conservative son Scott (Lukas Haas), their weird Grandpa (Patrick Cranshaw) and daughter Skylar (Drew Barrymore), who is engaged to Holden Spence (Edward Norton). Steffi's first husband, Joe Berlin (Woody) who lives in Paris, falls for Von Sidell (Julia Roberts) through a bit of serendipity from DJ, while Skylar ends up falling for paroled criminal Charles Ferry (Tim Roth). It uses old songs from the 1930's, but it works, and the musical numbers are beautifully staged, including one in a hospital, a Groucho Marx themed one and Goldie Hawn flying above the banks of the Seine in Paris. Woody got there first Baz!! 5/5

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